Being in an abusive relationship. You had seen the signs. But you fell in your own trap.

I swear I never wanted to write about things that are big issues in our communities. Everybody has an opinion on this matter and probably my article is going to be buried with a lot of censorship but I’ll take my chance, no matter what. At first I want to make clear that I don’t choose sides because I’m always with the victim who most of the times is a woman.

Being in an abusive relationship it’s the easier part because you can ask for help and get out and there’s someone, most of the times (a brother, a best friend, a mother) that you can turn to and get out of that situation using the police and a psychiatric help to make you live with that. Because no matter what you’ll never forget when that abusive behavior was accompanied with physical violence. I’m not a psychologist but we all have witnessed of relatives or friends who were in that situation.

Being in an abusive marriage is the most difficult part especially when you have a family and there are children in the house and they receive all that feeling that their father is treating awful to their mother. Children that will have psychological problems and unstable behavior and I should mention all those kids who would think that treating that awful is the right thing to do.

But let’s mention all the mistakes that you did as a woman before reaching to that point of your life where you have 2 or 3 children and a mentally sick husband who doesn’t treat you right. I don’t say that it’s your fault and don’t try to judge me before you read all the article. You saw the signs. You didn’t wake up married one day. You were there from the beginning of your relationship and the signs were there. Maybe he never let you wear short skirts or high heels but aren’t those signs of something that is not right in his behavior? Maybe he never let you look in directions where there were men just drinking their own drinks.

Maybe he always had fights with guys that they were looking towards you (maybe without staring) just to make you feel that you are one of his belongings. Don’t laugh and say “that shows that he loves me because he claims me from other men”. No, he wants to show that you belong to him. Really? And you let that happened? You were born to belong to some guy and in our case a sick mind? Is that what you dreamed that you’ll be? Someone’s belonging? Or you thought you could change him? Because I can assure you that nobody changes. If a man treats like that he will always treat like that. If something happens once it will happen again. It’s only a matter of time.

You should be with someone that will always be open in the idea of you getting out with your friends and have a coffee or a drink. You are a woman that you had a life before him, you’ll have hobbies and interests, you’ll wear whatever you like and all of that and many more without expecting of someone’s permission. You should be a woman that can make her own decisions about her life, that can make plans of how she is going to spent her day and which housework she can do leaving the others for her man to help. Because we should all do housework equally. Cause if we have needs as men so they do as women. Everybody should be treated the same way. A sick mind should go to prison or ask for mentally help if he’ll ever realize that he needs one.

To conclude with my article as I said earlier in another story, If it’s really sexy for a man that can take care of himself without the need of a woman figure (a wife or a mother), it’s as sexy for a woman that dresses as she likes, wears make up and she can make a husband really desire her because she remained sexy through the years and trust me: There’s better sex when a woman can make you desire not only the way she looks, but the way her personality attracts you.


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